Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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