Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
