oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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