I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
