Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
