Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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