On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
