Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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