mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
