that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I met the friendliest cop last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
