I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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