I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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