I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
