We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
