16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
