can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
