ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
