i just google imaged poop.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
