A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
