I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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