Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
