Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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