he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
