im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
