this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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