Umm I'm too high to move.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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