I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
