moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
