you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
