she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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