Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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