He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
