i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
