Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
