im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
