Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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