Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we made out on top of his cat.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
