There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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