everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
