4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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