As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
