Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
