My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
