Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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