I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need a beard to bite.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
