Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
