$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Can Purell be used as lube?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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