My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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