chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
