Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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