dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
