Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We need a shit load of segways right now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
