My friends, they love my intelligence
you guys were way drunker than both of me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Randomize
