do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
