Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
