if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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