So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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