covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
