Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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