I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
