this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
