I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
