yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
