Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
