That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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