I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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