420 ftw
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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