I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize