if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm like, not good at living.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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