did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize