If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
