We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
